I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
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It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
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In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Terrible idea I love it
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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