Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
