drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
