John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
