Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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