Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
