I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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