Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
