He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Gay?
German.
Pity.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
