so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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