I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
