Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
