Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
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Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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