If i come over, it means nothing
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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