Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
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You took a bar mat shot.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
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There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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