Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
