if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
