Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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