I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
