Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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