atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
