he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.