I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site