Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor