she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind