For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
so much tequila, so little girl.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
