where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize