someone threw a dead crab at me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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