There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
