I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
