so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
dude. I can hear the air.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
