Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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