My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize
