we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
