got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
