I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
