I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
