omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
