like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
