Porn is love you can see.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
