dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
