Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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