He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
