My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
