U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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