my sisters under your porch take her home
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
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Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
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You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
my liver is dry heaving
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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