We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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