May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
