shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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