ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
