True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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