something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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