She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
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I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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