my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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