went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
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You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
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1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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