i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
