I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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