I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize