Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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