That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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