So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
