Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
