Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
