So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
