Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
