Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
