Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
