you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
